<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Push You Away, But Hold Me Closer by jamesilver</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25711075">Push You Away, But Hold Me Closer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesilver/pseuds/jamesilver'>jamesilver</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Drarry Ficlet Requests [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Begging, Biting, Blow Jobs, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hook-Up, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Oral Sex, Rimming, Sex, Smut, Teasing, Top Harry Potter, and harry cums inside so if you're uncomfortable w that, angsty smut, but NOT really as much as draco wants to say, but mainly its, ig?, ik i keep saying that but AH whatever, oh yeah uh they dont use a condom but they talk abt it first, this is NOT a ficlet lmao, whew ok now for the smut tags here we go, wow that feels so much more dirty to say in the tags huh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:42:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,165</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25711075</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesilver/pseuds/jamesilver</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>REQUEST: so could you write (for drarry, of course) that angst prompt "[name] there's nothing here." or anything of that list, I love some angst, please and thank you!</p><p>___</p><p>"Harry, there's nothing here. I'm sorry if I've led you on but you're mistaken. It's just sex. There's nothing else here." </p><p>They hadn't spoken since.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Drarry Ficlet Requests [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>337</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Push You Away, But Hold Me Closer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This work is part of a series of fics that I have done as requests. Check out the series for more! This fic was requested by anonymous on tumblr.</p><p>TO THE ANON:: bro ok ik you requested a 1k angst prompt but uh....i gave you 3k of angsty smut?? ik smut isn't for everyone so if you're not into this, i will totally write you another angsty fic w one of the angst starters from the same list</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Harry, there's nothing here. I'm sorry if I've led you on but you're mistaken. It's just sex. There's nothing else here." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry sat in his bed, his body unconsciously mimicking the exact position he had been in when Draco had said those words to him, months ago: naked shoulders slouched, defeated, sheet coming up to his calves, messy in the bed after he and Draco had just fucked, Harry turned towards the door, watching as Draco buttoned his cufflinks and then walked out the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hadn't spoken since. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, maybe Harry was being a little dramatic since they technically </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> spoken. At events and in groups and the like. But never one-on-one, never anything real. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it had been months and Harry hadn't done anything with anyone else—not a kiss, not a meaningless fuck, not even any particular flirting. Draco had ruined him for all else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crashing back in his bed, Harry groaned, tossing an arm over his face. Because here was the real thing: </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco had broken his heart. (This wasn't news; he felt it break the moment the words left Draco's mouth). But Harry was so fucked for Draco that he seriously considered approaching Draco to reinstate their arrangement, making it clear to Draco that he understood it was no-strings. No feelings. He could hide them, repress them—</span>
  <em>
    <span>he could</span>
  </em>
  <span>— he would if just to have that little bit, that little taste of Draco in his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Agony. It was going to be agony. He shoved the thought out of his mind. At least, if he didn't want to emotionally torture himself, he had his hand and his memories, right? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco didn't look up from his desk despite the shadow looming across the parchment he was signing. He knew who it was; he could tell Harry by his walk, his silhouette, his natural cadence. He always could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can I help you?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Draco finished signing and moved the parchment to a stack on his right, grabbing the next one from a stack on his left, he still heard no answer, so he looked up, acting as if it was an annoyance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But really it was torture. Because he hadn't spoken one-on-one with Harry since Harry had told Draco that he loved him and asked to go on a real date with him and be his boyfriend and introduce him to his friends as his boyfriend....and Draco had told him that he and his feelings could get well and truly fucked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why had he done it? Great question. Was it because Draco didn't have feelings for Harry? Well, absolutely not. He couldn't even try and deny it—even he couldn't lie that well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only person who would buy a lie </span>
  <em>
    <span>that bad</span>
  </em>
  <span> was Potter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he met his eyes, quill in his hand still poised above the parchment, he was a little surprised. He had been expecting a confrontation, a Potter who was too angry to speak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he got....Nervous, uncomfortable, deeply in love, and clearly awaiting a rejection Potter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes?" Draco asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Look, I—“ Harry started, glancing off to the side. His voice was tight like he might burst into tears at any moment but was so desperately trying to hold it in. "I know what I said and I know what you said, but..." He closed his eyes and gave a strained sigh. "I don't care about that," he said, opening them. "I can retract my statements, I can never speak about them again, I can...fuck, Draco, I don't even have to look at you if you don't want me to, if that makes you uncomfortable, I'll do whatever you want, but just...please..." He wandered off and neither needed him to continue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco's heart clenched in his chest. Did he want to keep having sex with the man he was in love with like this? Of course not. But he couldn't go back on what he said because he didn't know how to explain to Harry how such hurtful and untrue words could roll off of his tongue. It was just a defense mechanism. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he would never believe that Harry loved him. No matter how many times he said it, no matter how many times he showed it. Draco just couldn't seem to let his guard down, couldn't seem to actually...accept it. He had known for probably six months before Harry finally broke down and said it. They had been fucking regularly for around two years. But there wasn't a single date in there so Draco refused to say that they were dating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was fine. Draco could do this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lowered his eyes back to the parchment. "I'll think about it," he whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco didn't get back with Harry, just flooed his cheery self in late one night without bothering to ask for an invitation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked right up to where Harry was standing in the kitchen and pulled him into a deep kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry pulled back, blinking. "I take it that means you thought about it." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco rolled his eyes, grabbing Harry by the wrist and pulling him towards the bedroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They collapsed onto the bed, Harry easily fitting himself between Draco's legs. Draco held Harry by the back of the neck, kissing him possessively. Because he would never be able to find the words to say it, never be bold enough to tell Harry, but he wanted to be the only person to touch Harry, the only person to get to see him this way for the rest of his life. And the next one, just in case he was the Boy Who Lived Thrice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry leaned back, liking a broad stripe up the underside of Draco's jaw before reaching his hand down between them. He pulled Draco's clothes off and skipped Draco's upper body entirely, saying fuck foreplay, and going directly to put his mouth on Draco's cock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco threw his head back, moaning. It had only been a few months, but he had somehow forgotten what a slut Harry always was for having a cock down his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Harry worked, Draco unbuttoned his shirt, undid his cufflinks and tossed it over to the side, not caring where it landed. Harry sucked on the tip, swirling his tongue while he reached beneath himself to unlace and pull off Draco's shoes so he could get him fully naked. Once that task was completed, Harry reached up and took Draco's hand, placing it pointedly on the back of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco took his cue, pulling on Harry's curls while he sucked, lying back and enjoying the pleasure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment, he opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And something on that blank expanse of ceiling might have broken him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Draco found himself fighting off tears—not because of overstimulation or anything, they had barely just started. But because he was crashed with wave after wave of memories of how many times he had stared up at this exact ceiling. How many times with Harry going down on him or Harry fucking him, or riding Harry and throwing his head back during. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or far worse...Staring up at this ceiling while he laid on his back, his head resting on Harry's chest while Harry played with his hair after they both got themselves cleaned up. This exact ceiling being the last thing he saw before he drifted off to sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blinking harshly, Draco got himself under control and yanked Harry up by the hair. As Harry looked at him with questioning eyes, Draco kept his grip tight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck me. Now," Draco ordered. "Get the lube, get the—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco cut himself off with a much higher-pitched moan than before when Harry smiled and bent his head back down, going lower than the last time, beneath Draco's splayed legs to swipe his tongue over his hole. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Potter, </span>
  <em>
    <span>lube</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry propped himself up on an elbow. "You only call me Potter when you're really desperate." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If you don't start prepping me right now, I'm going to fuck your throat so hard you won't be able to say anything for a week." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry just smirked. "That's alright. I'm pretty good at wordless magic." And just like that, the bottle of lube flew out from his nightstand and into his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco let himself fall back against the pillows, groaning. "Fuck, do you know how hot it is when you do that?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Judging by your reaction, I have a guess." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're an ass." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco felt his point was only proved when Harry ran the tip of his finger in little circles around his hole repeatedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kept repeating the action until Draco's fingers tightened in his hair once again and he started squirming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on," Harry prodded. "You know what I want to hear, beautiful." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck me," Draco said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ah," Harry chided, giving Draco's cock the smallest of licks, just enough to make him twitch. "Not the right answer." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck me now." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Still not it," Harry said, still circling his fingertip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck me or I swear I will walk out this door right now and—“ His sentence stuttered to a stop, unable to think through how turned on he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Or what?" Harry prodded. "See, I don't think you will cause I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> you want me to take care of this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco lifted his head. "You know, Potter, it's only polite to finish what you started." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, a little politeness is all I'm looking for here." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Draco dropped his head again. "Harry, please fuck me, I need it, I need you, need you inside of me, Harry, please, I—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry slipped his finger in, and curled it inside of Draco, swallowing his cock back down while he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Oh yes, Harry—fuck." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sliding in a second finger, Harry looked up at him. "See," he said, starting to sit back. "Was that so hard?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Listen, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>prick</span>
  </em>
  <span> if you don't—Nnnngh!!" Whatever threat Draco was about to come up with completely fell away as Harry started curling two fingers directly into that spot that made his back arch as he pressed down, searching for more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Harry," he started. "Please just get inside of me already, I can't wait any longer, I—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leaning up above him now, Harry silenced him with a kiss. He pulled back, giving a small shake of his head. "You're only at two love, at least let me get one more in. I don't want to hurt you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know I'm a masochist, Potter, just give it to me." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry laughed lightly, bending down to bite just underneath Draco's collarbone until Draco arched up against him, whining sharply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Releasing him, Harry said with a smile, "You like pain like that. Now, are you gonna let me take care of you, are you gonna keep ordering me around?" Harry carefully slipped in a third finger as he spoke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A little breathless, Draco responded with closed eyes, "What if I want to order you around?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well then, your wish is my command, but with one single caveat." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hmm?" Draco asked absentmindedly, much more focused on grinding his ass back against Harry's fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You have to cum hands-free." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco's eyes flew open and he looked at Harry in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know you can do it," Harry said. "You've done it before." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>once! </span>
  </em>
  <span>In all the years of us fucking, I've been able to do it once." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry lifted a single shoulder in a half shrug, twisting his wrist to hit the angle just right so Draco tightened his arms around Harry's neck and pulled him close, moaning loudly. "Well then, I guess we'll have to do things my way tonight." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Potter," Draco started, panting. "I feel I've been quite patient up until this point, but if you seriously do not get inside of me within the next five seconds, I don't know what I'll do but after I can think again, you will not like it, that I can promise you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Five seconds? That's not even enough time for me to get this on," Harry joked, indicating the condom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, who gives a shit?" Draco said, eyes closed as he arched off of the bed. "I'm clean if you're clean." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry's hand stilled causing Draco to open his eyes. "You mean that?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, yeah, you're the only person I've slept with since I was last tested." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I meant about me rawing you, but now that you mention it, that's also an interesting fact to take note of." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Look," Draco threw an arm over his face. "Either put the condom on or not—I trust you—but just do </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> before I die of sheer horniness." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bossy, bossy," Harry muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, he pulled his fingers out of Draco and quickly lubed himself up with a couple of quick strokes. Carefully, Harry took Draco's ankle in his hand, holding it out to the side. He lined himself up and then gave a small tap on the side of Draco's ankle with his thumb. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Removing his arm from across his face, Draco stared up at Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You ready?" Harry asked. Draco gave a sharp nod and Harry started to push in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The whole time, Harry looked deep into his eyes until he was fully inside when he took a brief moment to close his eyes on a strangled exhale. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he opened them again, those unrelenting green eyes met Draco's and—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco snapped his head to the side, breaking their gaze. Because if he looked at Harry for one more moment, he was going to burst into tears. Why hadn't he flipped himself over? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey," Harry whispered. His hand came up to lightly touch at Draco's cheek between it and the mattress, gently guiding with his fingertips until Draco turned back towards him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry tried to meet his eyes again, but Draco stared at Harry's nose instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You okay?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up at the ceiling instead. "Just move, Potter," he snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was a bad idea; not just being here at all, but he couldn't seem to wrap his head around the fact that Harry Potter—who was in love with him and had confessed it months ago—was raw inside of him right now. It was too much, it was too overwhelming. Why had he done this? He had gone years without allowing himself to be in love with Harry like he always had been anyway. Years of forcing himself to suppress whatever emotion he had ever felt and as Harry pulled out and started thrusting slow and deep into him, Draco wondered what the fuck he had been thinking all that time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Realizing he was off in space, Draco tuned back in to hear Harry groaning, "Oh, Draco, ah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so tight," and it just about broke his brain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lifted Harry's chin, pulling him in close for a kiss. "Forgot how much I missed this," he muttered, gripping Harry's bicep as the other hand came around to his back, pulling him closer with every thrust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Forgot how much I missed you," Harry whispered before dropping his head to Draco's chest. "Ah, fuck, sorry, </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I won't—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shut up and fuck me," Draco rushed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hooked a leg around Harry and Harry took the cue, sitting up and resuming his position with his hand around Draco's other angle, leveraging it out and to the side, switching the angle and speeding up until he had Draco crying out beneath him, hands fisting into the sheets above his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck, Harry, yes!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Draco," Harry started, eyes closed while he tried to breathe deep. "Sorry, but I'm close. Are you...?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Put your hands on me and I can be." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry immediately complied, reaching down with his free hand to start pulling on Draco in time with his thrusts, eyes still closed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Harry, I—want—I—“ Draco babbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes?" Opening his eyes just a little, Harry slowed down just enough. "What is it, love?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Inside," was all Draco managed to choke out before he tumbled over the edge, body pulling taut for a moment before releasing as he practically screamed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Harry cursed, dropping Draco's leg and snapping his hips sharply one final time before slowing riding out his orgasm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he started to calm down, Harry paused and lowered himself for a soft kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You did mean you wanted me to cum inside right," he muttered against Draco's lips. "Cause if not...too late." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco laughed a little, but it was weak, his body spent from his orgasm. "Get off me," he fake-whined. "You're heavy." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Letting more of his weight fall onto Draco, Harry said, "No." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Draco did laugh, squirming half-heartedly. "Eww, I'm all cum-sticky, get off." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, I can fix that real quick, love, I do have a tongue." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smile still on his face, Draco playfully shoved at Harry's shoulder. "You're gross." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Only for you," Harry said before giving Draco's ear a quick lick, making him squirm for real this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry lifted himself up so he had the space to watch as he slowly slid himself out of Draco, mesmerized as he watched some of his cum follow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> that was a sight he wanted to see again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was going to fuck it all up anyway, wasn't he? Knowingly, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Draco, I—“ Harry started, voice heavy. But then he glanced back up and saw the tears that had barely formed in the corners of Draco's eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He swooped up, forgetting every other thought in his head. With his thumbs, he wiped the tears away just as they started to spill. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What is it?" He asked. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Did I—“ He stopped as Draco shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," he whispered. "I hurt myself. I did it all to myself." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Draco, what is it?" When he received no answer besides more tears, Harry kissed him softly. First, on the lips, but then lightly across his cheeks and eyebrows and forehead, whispering all the way, "What is it? What can I do? Tell me what's going on? What's wrong?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled back as Draco shook his head, staring up at the ceiling. "It's my fault," Draco whispered. "Harry, I'm sorry, but I—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And oh. Because Harry knew what was coming. It was going to be, "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have done this again. I meant what I said. I'm sorry, but I never want to see you again." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just couldn't," Draco continued and Harry braced himself. "I just couldn't accept that you could ever love me so I pushed you away when you're the only thing I've ever wanted so much in my entire—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Draco could even finish, Harry cut him off with a kiss, stopped every other sad word before they could leave Draco's lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I love you," Harry rushed out between two kisses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt Draco's arms wrap around him, pulling him impossibly closer. "I love you, too, Harry. So much. I love you, too." </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i uh...i had something i was gonna say here...wtf was it....??? :/ whelp shit anyway....</p><p>Thank you so much for reading!! Please feel free to leave a comment and/ or message me on <a href="https://www.shelvesuponshelves.tumblr.com"> tumblr </a></p><p>I am also currently taking ficlet requests (like this one) on <a href="https://www.shelvesuponshelves.tumblr.com"> tumblr </a></p><p>oh! also please keep in mind that despite how long many of these fics turn out to be i only PROMISE around 1k</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>